5 Radical Mindset Shifts Guaranteed To Get You Better Relationships. (You Are Welcome :)

One of the biggest factors which reduce the quality of our life experience (and our work performance) is - Our Relationships. It is one of the top 3 factors leading to a long healthy life. However we all have people in our lives who may be unconsciously draining our energies.

What if I told you that actually if we just shift our mindsets, we can improve our relationships?

Some of these may be a bit controversial. But they are all rooted in research which I will share later in this issue. Let me know if you agree, disagree or which one resonated with you the most!

1. Relationships are Optional

Yes, you read it right. As I said, this could be a bit uncomfortable to hear. Because it goes against everything we have been taught while growing up. We grow up being told that in relationships, we gotta stick it out even with people who are clearly not as invested in you, don’t want the best for us or degrade us at every opportunity.

Well, consider this…

Relationships are supposed to enhance your life. Right?

If a relationship is constantly making you feel less/ small/ insulted/ worthless…how is it enhancing your life?

This goes for blood relationships too. Just because you are born into it/ married into it/ related to it does not necessarily mean you have to grin and bear it. Sometimes, of course, you cannot cut it off. In those cases, figure out how to distance yourself from those.

Even in that situation, reminding yourself that you have the option to not choose the relationship makes you stronger and makes it easier to address by putting the control back into your hands.

2. Relationships are Reciprocal

Are you in any relationship (could be friends, siblings, neighbors) where you feel sustaining the relationship is only your responsibility?

This could look like… you taking the initiative to catch up 100% of the time, or everyone expecting you to bring all the fun and energy to the catch ups.

Notice that I didn’t say ‘balanced’. That means equal give and take and not what I mean. What I mean is that if you feel - that if it not were you, this relationship won’t survive, and find yourself feeling worn out and resentful because of this, then remember:

If one person is the giver all of time, and the other person is taker, the relationship is doomed whether we like it or not. For relationships to be sustainable in the long run, they have to be reciprocal.

3. Relationships are Seasonal

“Sometimes people are here for a reason.” You might have heard this statement.

Well,

Sometimes people are also here for a season.

And once that season ends, it’s fine to let them go. Sometimes seasons last 2 decades (like a marriage), sometimes 4 weeks (like your Zumba class girlfriend).

Yes, it’s painful when they go, but that is just the nature of change. There is no growth without change, whether it is our children, our plants, our lives….same for relationships.

We dont have to put this life-long relationship pressure on people in your life. In fact, if you appreciate the fact that people are here in your life for a limited time in your life, I guarantee that you will treat them better, enjoy their company more and less likely to take them for granted.

4. You Don't Own People

You can’t really control or change people. You can only ‘invite’ them to see the way you see the situation (& hopefully they will change their point of view or behavior)

A funny thing happens when you remind yourself of that.

It helps you realize that they don’t own you either! That other people don’t control you. You are free to set your own boundaries.

If something in the relationship does not work for you, instead of changing the other person or controlling their actions - realize that it’s futile. Let other people be, liberate them. And that liberates you.

5. How You See Yourself Vs. How Others See You

Often, people see you as someone and that may not be the way you see yourself.

For example: They may see you as self scarificing person who would never say no to them. However you see yourself as kind, giving but also with strong boundaries.

Now based on their understanding, they might make requests which is not ok with you. You are not obliged to act in the way they see you, or meet their expectations. In fact, perfect oportunity to correct their misconception. If they expect you to behave in a certain way based on their faulty understanding of you, then that is their problem, not yours. People who love you will want you to be more like yourself. They will let you be you.

Vertical & Horizontal Relationships

It might seem like these are pointing you towards removing some relationships. Not true.

Actually these mindsets will help you raise your standards and enhance the quality of the relationships you do choose to have. If we adopt these mindsets, we appreciate the relationships which we do have, more. What they do is, put the control back in your hands about what you do about energy draining chronic relationships.

Even if you choose to stick around, you know why you are choosing this.

Exercise to Reflect on Your Relationships

• Take a sheet of paper and write down all key relationships (family, close friends, not-so-close friends, colleagues, teammates) in 1 coloumn.

• In the second coloum categorize the relationship as ‘E’ or ‘D’ based on this question: In the last 3-4 times you interacted with them, did it leave you energized (E) or drained (D)?

This hopefully will help you gain new insights or validate how these relationships impact you. Reflect on who you will continue to be close to, who you should be closer to, and who you need to distance yourself with.

Key Takeaways

1. Relationships are supposed to enhance your life. If they don’t, try considering them as optional.

2. For relationships to be sustainable for the long run, they have to be reciprocal.

3. Accept that sometimes relationships are seasonal. If you appreciate the fact that people are here in your life for a limited time in your life, we enjoy them more.

4. Realize that people don’t own you. You are free to set your own boundaries.

5. People who love you will want you to be more like yourself. They will let you be you.

Which one resonated with you?

Keep Thriving,

Rashmi