What to do when you are feeling overwhelmed?

Was chatting with a friend last weekend and something mildly funny happened.

We were discussing how many weekends to go before the schools officially close for the summer. I said, “There’s still time…3 more weeks.” She said, “you mean two…right?”. I said, “No…there is the 12th weekend, the 19th and 26th…3 weekends more”

She then pointed out gently, “But Rashmi, today is 12th… the 12th weekend is ‘now’, there are 2 weeks left, not 3”

Oops.

In my defence, the dates are changing, but my days remain the same :| Am sure for many people, the last 200 days of ‘sameness’ has taken over. We don’t have our usual weekday structure, the lighter moments of joy on weekends and the hours are a blur between work and home. Today becomes yesterday, which becomes tomorrow, which feels like all the same.

It is starting to look like my own version of groundhog day.

Juggling people, projects and priorities we need to manage…and sometimes I have no idea where to start or what to tackle first. Ever felt like that? That you’ve got SO much to do, not NEARLY enough time to do it all and your head starts to spin?

If yes, let’s begin by taking some steps as below!

Self Care: Shortcut to feeling less overwhelmed

I grew up believing, that self-care is selfish (especially as a woman).

But it isn’t.

In fact, self-care is super ‘productive’. While it is intuitive to NOT take a break so you can finish more, it is actually the opposite. When you give yourself a break and take a ‘time-out’ you actually not just manage to overwhelm, but it helps you perform better.

Here is Harvard’s data-driven case for taking a vacation.

Have curated a Self Care Starter Pack here to get you started:

1. Cancel ‘everything’: If you are anything like me, you want to show up, move ahead and be productive every day. Doing this in a tired or overwhelmed state is actually counterproductive. ‘Everything’ is key, not ‘something’ or some meetings. Break a commitment & apologize if need be. It’s fine. Give yourself permission for self-care.

2. When you can’t, ask for help: Some things can’t be avoided, like pre-scheduled meetings at work or kid related commitments at home. Can you ask a team member, your boss, your spouse, family members for help? And even if they say no, at least you know you tried. Pride and self-sufficiency are detrimental when you are feeling overwhelmed.

3. Say no to future requests: If outright No is difficult, you can say “I’m going to try my best to make it, but knowing how much I have to go on, can’t give a firm ‘YES’ at this time.” You don’t feel like you’re missing out on a potential opportunity but this gives you some time and space to make a decision from a place of clarity instead of pressure.

4. Deepen Your Exhale: Each cycle of breath (one inhale + one exhale = one cycle) has both energizing and relaxing qualities. The inhale activates the sympathetic nervous system (the energizing branch of the autonomic nervous system) and the exhale subtly activates the parasympathetic nervous system (the relaxing branch). So, lengthening the exhales will provide more relief from the overwhelming state.

5. Make a list (OR Not!): Sometimes making a shortlist starting with the 1-2 most important things help me focus my actions and reduce overwhelm enough to get moving. At other times, just looking at any ‘list’ reminds me of all the work which needs to be done and stresses me out. Totally depends. See what works for you and when.

6. Move: In my conversations, I always ask leaders what is their go-to when they get overwhelmed? The most common answer I get is ‘go for a run’, ‘Pump it out’, ‘get my yoga mat out’. Science backs this up. Try it. Yoga with Adrienne and Body Coach with Jo provide excellent workouts for home for all levels of intensity. Recommended!

7. Soothe your senses: To top it all, find activities that are soothing to each of your senses. Gamechanger!

• Sight: Look at the sunset/ outside your window.

• Sound: Listen to relaxing music

• Touch: Get a massage or go give a hug to your loved ones!

• Smell: A few drops of aroma oil in a nice hot bath

• Taste: Eat something that brings up good memories or give yourself that treat which you love!

Self-care looks different for each one of us. The important thing is to remember that there is never an ‘ideal time to take a break. Our performance peaks after a break, so take a break when you need it.

Reduce overwhelm in less than 5 minutes: Tools

• Stakeholder Matrix: Work can cause overwhelm in many ways. A common one is having many people to manage/ deliver and communicate with. If you are feeling overwhelmed with the sheer number of stakeholders you need to manage, prioritize them by using this simple tool.
  

Plot them on this matrix. Y-axis is POWER – how much power they have on this project or the team direction. The X-axis is Interest – how much interest they have in the said project/ team. Then focus most of your productive energies on the top right quadrant stakeholders. 

• Find ‘which’ tasks to say NO to: Optimize your daily tasks by ensuring they stay in the zone of ‘good at it’ and ‘energizing’. Here is the fulfilment 2 by 2 matrix & more details on this framework. Alternatively, Important-Urgent matrix can help too.
  

• Tweak your environment: Does rain help you feel better? You can try Rainy Mood which helps you get there mentally. Overwhelmed by a messy house? Ask “What do I need for this space to be functional?”, not sparkly clean.

• Do Nothing: Do nothing website which keeps you from touching your laptop for 2 minutes. 120 seconds, that’s all. Difficult? Yes. Helpful? Very. Pausing for 2 minutes to look at this beautiful image with ocean sounds will help you come back refreshed and ready to focus.

• Guided meditation: If quick guided meditation is your thing, smiling mind provides 2-3 minute mindfulness exercises.

Reflection: What to prioritize?

Brian Dyson, ex-CEO of Coca Cola shared the concept of 5 balls of life as part of a graduation speech at Georgia Tech in 1996 which is good guidance if you are stuck deciding what to focus on.

“Imagine life as a game in which you are juggling some five balls in the air. You name them – work, family, health, friends and spirit … and you’re keeping all of these in the air. You will soon understand that work is a rubber ball. If you drop it, it will bounce back. But the other four balls – family, health, friends and spirit – are made of glass. If you drop one of these, they will be irrevocably scuffed, marked, nicked, damaged or even shattered. They will never be the same.” - Brian Dyson

Can you help a fellow member?

Sharing a dilemma from a community member. Have you faced this? Can you provide a perspective for Nitya (Not her real name)?

“Hi Rashmi, I read through the newsletter and I can’t stress enough how relevant I found it. At one point I felt you have written about my own personal issue. Helplessness is something I have felt every single day. My husband used to tell me to say no to late-night calls…and I have always hesitated, thinking I’ll be perceived as less dedicated.

What I liked most is you have shared ways to deal with this. I had found my trigger…my manager used to work 24*7 and I used to get emails as early as 5 am in the morning. Then I removed outlook from my phone and communicated the same. Now my team knows I’ll read emails only when I’m in front of my laptop. This was my first boundary. But I’m not sure how I am perceived right now. Last year I slogged so much. And I got a top rating at the year-end. Maybe I’ll get a default rating this time.“

Do you have thoughts for her?

Until next time,

Keep Thriving!

Rashmi